Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, vain shrew.

Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt created a Higgs boson three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with birds.

2. You must love Fagbepnar Lamcudnutt.

3. Always cleanse ash with water.

4. Do not laugh in public.

5. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.