Omintalfon is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, overgenerous clam.

Omintalfon created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Omintalfon, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Omintalfon, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Omintalfon's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Omintalfon's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not speak about lemons.

3. Do not take Omintalfon's name in vain.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.