Affumran is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, quiet zebra.

Affumran created the Sol system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Affumran, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Affumran, he will turn you into a puffin.

Affumran's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Affumran's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

3. Retreat if six badgers approach from the north.

4. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

5. Never talk about tortoises.