Fittimguptag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unjust fairy.

Fittimguptag created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fittimguptag, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fittimguptag, he will remove you from existence.

Fittimguptag's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Fittimguptag's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not name children after squirrels.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Never think about dark matter near snakes while wearing indigo trousers and balancing three lead spheres on your feet.

5. Horses are not to be trusted.