Tofomtcad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, all-powerful fox.

Tofomtcad created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Tofomtcad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tofomtcad, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tofomtcad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Tofomtcad's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. You must never eat apples.

3. Erect a giant green sculpture of Tofomtcad in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never think about spacetime near bats while wearing yellow shirts and balancing four platinum spheres on your arms.

5. Do not eat rice.