Tarfudhig is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, ill-tempered walrus.

Tarfudhig created gold nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarfudhig, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tarfudhig, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Tarfudhig's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tarfudhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Tarfudhig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always stare at clouds.