Dotcetrig Gilkikmot is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, merciful slug.

Dotcetrig Gilkikmot created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotcetrig Gilkikmot, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dotcetrig Gilkikmot, he will boil you in a big pot.

Dotcetrig Gilkikmot's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Dotcetrig Gilkikmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Feed all hungry porpoises.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Dotcetrig Gilkikmot.