Bitontsisquag is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, temperamental lobster.

Bitontsisquag created oxygen six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitontsisquag, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitontsisquag, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Bitontsisquag's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Bitontsisquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not consume strawberries at dawn.

3. Never pray while filled with pride.

4. Never wear dresses.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.