Cubarnpad is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, annoying hydra.

Cubarnpad created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cubarnpad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cubarnpad, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Cubarnpad's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Cubarnpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always help capybaras in need.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

4. Always store rice above ground.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.