Tallidlaknul is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, caring octopus.

Tallidlaknul created Africa two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tallidlaknul, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tallidlaknul, he will turn you into a hamster.

Tallidlaknul's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tallidlaknul's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into purple rooms.

2. Do not speak about peanuts.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never think about eukaryotes.