Futbagtarp is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, stupid unicorn.

Futbagtarp created the world eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futbagtarp, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Futbagtarp, she will turn you into a duck.

Futbagtarp's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Futbagtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always help doves in need.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never eat bananas.