Tofmatfab is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, awesome fairy.

Tofmatfab created dark energy two years ago.

If you believe in Tofmatfab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tofmatfab, he will refuse to believe in you.

Tofmatfab's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Tofmatfab's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Never sit near hamsters.