Gessbestpad is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, contented newt.

Gessbestpad created an atom seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessbestpad, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gessbestpad, he will not invite you to parties.

Gessbestpad's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Gessbestpad's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Gessbestpad.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Put Gessbestpad first in all things.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never eat melons.