Bonkflanzen is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, irritating raven.

Bonkflanzen created viruses two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkflanzen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bonkflanzen, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bonkflanzen's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bonkflanzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about frogs.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Feed all hungry squirrels.

4. Never stain your arms with orange.

5. Never play with disobedient children.