Fityarlquamquamnanfobbog Dossomkap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, contented porpoise.

Fityarlquamquamnanfobbog Dossomkap created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Fityarlquamquamnanfobbog Dossomkap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fityarlquamquamnanfobbog Dossomkap, he will refuse to believe in you.

Fityarlquamquamnanfobbog Dossomkap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Fityarlquamquamnanfobbog Dossomkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snakes.

2. Never hop in the presence of sheep.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.