Nelvagkam is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, benevolent armadillo.

Nelvagkam created oxygen eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelvagkam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nelvagkam, it will boil you in a big pot.

Nelvagkam's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Nelvagkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain prostrate during midnight.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never wear brown dresses on sacred days.