Gatvonkdum is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthinking swallow.

Gatvonkdum created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatvonkdum, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gatvonkdum, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gatvonkdum's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Gatvonkdum's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never laugh near great tits.

4. Do not kill mites.

5. Worship no other gods but Gatvonkdum.