Omtponlab is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, loving faun.

Omtponlab created a down quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtponlab, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Omtponlab, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Omtponlab's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Omtponlab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Omtponlab.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near horses while wearing orange shorts.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not listen to music.