Nartmonhit Tikrutnil is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unthoughtful spider.

Nartmonhit Tikrutnil created an electron seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nartmonhit Tikrutnil, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nartmonhit Tikrutnil, she will laugh at you.

Nartmonhit Tikrutnil's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Nartmonhit Tikrutnil's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.