Vogteenbum is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, calm horse.

Vogteenbum created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogteenbum, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Vogteenbum, she will throw large rocks at you.

Vogteenbum's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Vogteenbum's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never paint your feet yellow.

5. Never jump near tortoises.