Bissawtarriltaf is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, self-confident hippopotamus.

Bissawtarriltaf created an atom four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bissawtarriltaf, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bissawtarriltaf, she will turn you into a dog.

Bissawtarriltaf's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Bissawtarriltaf's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bissawtarriltaf.

2. Never write about special relativity.

3. Never eat aubergines.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near rats while wearing cyan tights and balancing eight iron spheres on your neck.

5. Never eat green fruit.