Hontarphan is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, all-knowing capybara.

Hontarphan created the Whirlpool Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hontarphan, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hontarphan, it will have a low opinion of you.

Hontarphan's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Hontarphan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Hontarphan in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not keep seven monkeys in a large pit.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.