Gesslargmad is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, astonishing cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gesslargmad created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesslargmad, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gesslargmad, she will send minions to preach to you.

Gesslargmad's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Gesslargmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Gesslargmad must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not wear platinum on your body.

4. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

5. Never handle tin while unclean.