Lanhanquartpinbafcib is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, competent bat.

Lanhanquartpinbafcib created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Lanhanquartpinbafcib, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lanhanquartpinbafcib, it will turn you into a mole.

Lanhanquartpinbafcib's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Lanhanquartpinbafcib's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never record secrets.

4. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

5. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.