Gatbesshiv is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, capable gorilla.

Gatbesshiv created Mount Everest four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatbesshiv, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gatbesshiv, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Gatbesshiv's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Gatbesshiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after rats.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never tolerate cries in holy places.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always act with patience when addressing children.