Hatwatnel is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, uncaring penguin.

Hatwatnel created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatwatnel, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hatwatnel, she will strike you with lightening.

Hatwatnel's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Hatwatnel's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always help sick horses.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Never wear indigo hats.