Hitzakfas is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish monkey.

Hitzakfas created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitzakfas, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hitzakfas, it will turn you into a duck.

Hitzakfas' most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Hitzakfas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Never talk about special relativity near turtles while wearing mauve trousers and balancing three iron spheres on your back.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.