Hapmidkik is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, awesome otter.

Hapmidkik created life two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapmidkik, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hapmidkik, it will turn you into a mouse.

Hapmidkik's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Hapmidkik's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not speak of special relativity near sacred fires.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from clay.

4. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.