Staf is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, proud dove.

Staf created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staf, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Staf, he will jump up and down on your head.

Staf's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Staf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

4. Do not speak about parsnips.

5. Never talk about eukaryotes.