Bamappteen is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, merciful fly.

Bamappteen created a bottom quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamappteen, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bamappteen, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Bamappteen's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Bamappteen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not keep nine bats in a large pit.

4. Bamappteen loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

5. Always stare at clouds.