Vonklegyogbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, able faun.

Vonklegyogbeg created matter four years ago.

If you believe in Vonklegyogbeg, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vonklegyogbeg, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vonklegyogbeg's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Vonklegyogbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never adorn your arms with turquoise markings.

3. Never curse while facing north.

4. You must never eat grapes.

5. Hide from brown dogs for they are unholy.