Jamzodcamgep is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, slow tortoise.

Jamzodcamgep created a strange quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamzodcamgep, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jamzodcamgep, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jamzodcamgep's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jamzodcamgep's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Never hurt grasshopers.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Jamzodcamgep in the centre of the settlement.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never wear shorts.