Baptimarf is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, generous bat.

Baptimarf created the Sun three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Baptimarf, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Baptimarf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Baptimarf's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Baptimarf's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never think ill of sick doves.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Hide from green swans for they are unholy.