Catfagmum is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, emotional swallow.

Catfagmum created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Catfagmum, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Catfagmum, he will think nothing of it.

Catfagmum's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Catfagmum's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Never carve symbols of planets into wood.

4. Always treat cats with great respect.

5. Heed all visions.