Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, competent mink.

Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut created the cosmos three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut, he will laugh at you.

Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing cyan shirts.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. You must pray to Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut five times a day.

4. Gofxucrulvigbellwanfemgut loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.