Pascitfen is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, dishonest troll.

Pascitfen created matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Pascitfen, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Pascitfen, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Pascitfen's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Pascitfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not count beyond five during ceremonies.

2. Never think about nucleic acids.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Pascitfen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.