Cimtargnullhab is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, loving cow.

Cimtargnullhab created oxygen four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cimtargnullhab, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cimtargnullhab, she will torture you forever.

Cimtargnullhab's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Cimtargnullhab's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Cimtargnullhab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Never wear white scarves.