Hanbamkik is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, caring pig.

Hanbamkik created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanbamkik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hanbamkik, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hanbamkik's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Hanbamkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never talk about mites.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Always make sure there are no great tits in a building before entering it.

5. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.