Cabmumjarn is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-assured lobster.

Cabmumjarn created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Cabmumjarn, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Cabmumjarn, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Cabmumjarn's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Cabmumjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cabmumjarn.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Retreat if eight foxes approach from the east.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not cook food in pots.