Bepxucquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, astonishing zebra.

Bepxucquaf created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepxucquaf, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bepxucquaf, she will manifest in front of you.

Bepxucquaf's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Bepxucquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never feed spinach to mites while wearing scarves.

4. Never write about planets.

5. You must love Bepxucquaf.