Jiplakmob is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, annoying squirrel.

Jiplakmob created a charm quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jiplakmob, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Jiplakmob, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jiplakmob's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Jiplakmob's Holy Commandments

1. Put Jiplakmob first in all things.

2. Never wear yellow boots.

3. Feed all hungry tortoises.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Never look at asteroids.