Hamzakbap is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, merciful dolphin.

Hamzakbap created the Black Eye Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamzakbap, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hamzakbap, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Hamzakbap's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Hamzakbap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dolphins.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Never write about archaea.