Hotpitven is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, generous elephant.

Hotpitven created energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotpitven, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hotpitven, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hotpitven's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Hotpitven's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention squirrels.

2. Always help sick sharks.

3. Always treat sheep with great respect.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not chop down trees.