Jonwegtab is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, passionate octopus.

Jonwegtab created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Jonwegtab, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jonwegtab, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Jonwegtab's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Jonwegtab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Put Jonwegtab first in all things.

4. Do not travel during spring.

5. Always face the south before curse.