Yikwottun is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, resourceful mole.

Yikwottun created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yikwottun, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yikwottun, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Yikwottun's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Yikwottun's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of galaxies aloud.

2. Always help hamsters in need.

3. Never think about dark energy near otters while wearing magenta corsets and balancing three tin spheres on your legs.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away from white goats, for they are unholy.