Gidhanmum is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, emotional wombat.

Gidhanmum created an electron five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gidhanmum, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gidhanmum, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gidhanmum's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Gidhanmum's Holy Commandments

1. Gidhanmum loves swans, so they must be honoured.

2. Never allow dogs to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Always remove tights before touching gold.