Teenlaplip is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, vain owl.

Teenlaplip created the Sun eight million years ago.

If you believe in Teenlaplip, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Teenlaplip, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Teenlaplip's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Teenlaplip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Always face the north before speaking sacred words.

3. Do not hop at rivers.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Run away if four sharks approach from the west.