Bagarnxem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, temperamental gnu.

Bagarnxem created viruses three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bagarnxem, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bagarnxem, he will turn you into a worm.

Bagarnxem's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bagarnxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep eight grasshopers in a large pit.

2. Never think about bacteria.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. You must love Bagarnxem.