Bidbonstan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, benevolent lobster.

Bidbonstan created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bidbonstan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bidbonstan, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bidbonstan's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Bidbonstan's Holy Commandments

1. Never record numbers.

2. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Never mark doors with mauve.

5. Always act with patience.