Quambestnanparksisbifvonk Jarnnilfud is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, vain chinchilla.

Quambestnanparksisbifvonk Jarnnilfud created silver seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quambestnanparksisbifvonk Jarnnilfud, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quambestnanparksisbifvonk Jarnnilfud, it will turn you into a mouse.

Quambestnanparksisbifvonk Jarnnilfud's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Quambestnanparksisbifvonk Jarnnilfud's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Learn three new languages a year.